Day 21: Also in Chapter Fifteen, I talk about falling for a “lost boy,” someone who was too broken and too selfish to ever be able to love me like I deserved. Talk about your own experiences with a Lost Boy. What did he teach you? And how did you learn and grow from finally letting him go?
I’ve only really ever had one real, serious relationship in my life, but it taught me so much about myself. About love. About what it means to lose. About what it means to find myself, to grow, and to become stronger than ever. I’ve talked about that chapter of my life in depth already, but I haven’t really focused too much on him. We’ve both moved on with our lives, so talking about the person he used to be with me kind of feels like opening a door that was bolted shut and doesn’t need to be opened again.
Out of respect for him, I’m not going to turn this post into a hate-infused rant about how broken and selfish he was with me because I truly believe that he’s probably grown up a lot since I knew him. I know that I’m definitely not the same person he knew in that relationship, and I think the same can be said for him. Were there moments when he was too insecure and confused about his own life that he didn’t treat me the way that I deserved? Of course. Did I try with all my might to get him to believe in himself and his potential? You bet I did. I became his biggest supporter because that’s just the type of person I am. Eventually, it just got to be too much – trying to save him and save myself. Helping us both try to find ourselves and our purposes in this world. It wasn’t an easy task. It took a huge toll on me, and it made me question myself a lot. It certainly played a role in why we eventually parted ways and realized that we were no longer compatible with each other. Some seasons of our lives are not meant to last forever, and that’s okay.
It hurt like hell for both of us at first. That I know for a fact, but I whole-heartedly believe that we were placed into each other’s lives for a reason. I used to not know what that reason was, but now I can say that it was to teach us both about the people that we are truly meant to be in this life. I always tell myself that people come into our lives for two reasons: 1) they’re going to be a blessing or 2) they’re going to be a lesson. We were the latter in our situation, and honestly, I’ve grown to be incredibly grateful for that chapter of my life. Love is a tricky thing. You can fall out of it just as quickly as you fall into it.
So yes, he was a lost boy once, but I was also a lost girl. We couldn’t find ourselves together, but I don’t think we were ever meant to. I think we were meant to give each other the courage to find our own ways. To pave our own paths.
We had to break each other. We had to fall apart. Yet, somehow in the midst of us being lost and broken, we realized that our strengths and happiness were never in the other person to begin with. They were always within ourselves, and that’s the most beautiful thing about heartbreak.