As I look back on this past year, I feel nothing but pure gratitude. A true, sincere form of gratitude unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. When I allow myself to explore this particular feeling deeper, and I reflect on all the things that happened throughout this last year, I realize just how much I’ve let go. For the first time ever in my twenty-eight years of existence, I’ve finally let go of old mindsets and deep-rooted emotions. Emotions that have always encompassed resentment, anger, frustration, fear, insecurity, hurt, and discomfort. You name it, I’ve felt it.
I’ve struggled for years trying to understand the person that I’m meant to be. I’ve lived most of my life feeling like I don’t really fit in. I’m an introvert to a T. I enjoy solitude. I get exhausted after engaging socially with others for too long, and I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I’m likely an empath. However, I’m still trying to figure that part out.
I’ve always been a person who feels things so deeply. Hence, the reason why it took me so long to let go of old emotions. I over analyze every single thing in life, but deep down, I believe it’s because I’m constantly searching for who I’m truly supposed to be. Throughout this last year, I’ve given up old habits that weren’t necessarily serving me and I’ve replaced them with better habits. I’ve explored places I’ve never been to before. I’ve gained a much stronger sense of independence. I’ve become more mindful of who and what I give my time to. I soak up every moment possible with my family and friends back home because I know it will be months before I see them again.
I look back on this last year, and I realize just how much I’ve changed. How much I’ve grown. I’m not the same person that I was just six months ago, but I’m not sorry about that, either. I used to be a firm believer in people not being able to change…until I realized how much I’ve changed myself.
I no longer consider change a bad thing. In fact, recognizing the differences in yourself throughout an entire year is a significant sign of growth and strength. 2018 has certainly been a pretty intense year of soul searching for me, and like I said before, I have so much gratitude because of it.
2019 will be my last year in my twenties, and I plan to make it a pretty good one. Something tells me this soul searching path that I’ve been on will only grow deeper from here.
…and I’m so ready for it.